Expectations

"soon you will know that you are sane"

Hello there. I have recovered from my illness mostly now - hurrah! Although I've managed to give it to other people... oops. 

Yesterday I went to see the wonderful Malcolm Middleton with Fi. He was very good, and very Scottish (stating the obvious, but yes, Scottish). It was super cool, he had a double bass player who was, well, super cool. My descriptive vocabulary is massive, as you can see. But yeah. 

I think he's one of those people that you really have to see live, because his music sounds... well, not better, but different in a sort of better way. I know what I mean and I realise that probably made little sense. The point is that he was good, and when I'm feeling less like I shouldn't be buying lots of CDs, I will buy the rest of his albums. 

I got told off by Chrif yesterday for not having all of his CDs already. Hm. I randomly saw him in HMV. I was waiting for David, and looking around as you do, and was suddenly like "CHRIS!" it was cool. He got freaked out because I kept saying that his hair looked nice. Which it did, I was a little shocked, because normally it's really frizzy, but yesterday it was quite straight and nice hairy looking. Yeah. Then I went to Jesus Green and sat in the cold and didn't eat. Sensible. I took the picture there though. I really should've taken some photos of Malcolm Middleton, but couldn't be bothered to take my camera out of my bag. Talk about lazy. 

I'm really hungry. I'm sure I write that every time, it must be like I think about food and then think "I better write in my blog before I go and eat". 

It's strange how you can think a decision is wrong, and then when you make it anyway, you realise it was right and that if you'd decided the other thing then you'd be much worse off than you are now. You. I. Whatever. 

So anyway, all is good. Except I've managed to waste another of my days off. Whilst I was really happy about doing the Colosseum last week, now I haven't actually done any work for a week...it's not good. I've read Harry Potter today, and played games on the internet and done yoga. A thoroughly productive use of my time. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. But I have to. Hmph. 

Oh, I've remembered what I was going to write. The weirdest thing happened this morning. I woke up, as you do, and went on the internet on my phone, as you  do/may not. So, I went on Facebook, which I leave myself logged into, and only on rare occasions does my phone log me out of it, like if I haven't been on it in a while. So I go to the page, and on my news feed there are all these names I don't recognise, I'm scrolling down and thinking "I don't know any of these people". I decided to go on my profile page, as I thought there must've been some kind of mix-up, but I got onto the profile page and it WASN'T MINE - it was some random person called Chez. It was well weird. It's not like anyone else had used my phone, unless someone stole it from my pocket for the sole purpose of checking Facebook, which I doubt. Anyway, so then I went back to the news feed page, and suddenly it was mine again, names I recognised etc. Well strange. Now I'm a bit scared about whether this has happened to other people and whether other people may come across my profile and be much more evil than me and start messing my profile up. Eek. 

The Grand Arcade opens tomorrow. I'm probably going to go down there at some point when I get so bored of having no customers at work that I decide to subject myself to the million people avec small children who have decided to explore this amazing new Cambridge spectacle. I saw a bit of it through the barriers yesterday. I'm not terribly impressed, to be honest, it just looks like every other shopping centre you go to. Which is dull. They should've made it more creative. And when I say creative, I don't mean horrendous architecture like the Travelodge. Ming. 

I would say I'm going to do work now, but that would be such a lie, I'm actually going to see how long it will be until I get to eat, and whether I'll be able to watch Hollyoaks. Har Har. 

x

Portions for Foxes

"it's bad news"

Ew. I'm so ill. It's horrible. I've been taking lots of Lemsip, but it only helps a bit. 

The thing I hate the most is not being able to smell. It's crap when you can't taste food or smell anything. Meh. Hopefully I will be magically cured by tomorrow so I can go to see Malcolm Middleton... and go to work *woo*. 

Yesterday was Easter. It snowed lots, which was super cool, and so I took lots of photos. We don't get white Christmases, but we get white Easters. Typical. I wanted to go out walking in the snow but was too ill too, which sucked. I have lots of chocolate now, which would be great if I felt like eating it. 

So apparently I need to take better care of myself as I'm always getting ill now. I'm not really sure if it's my fault, I don't know if I'm doing anything specifically wrong which allows me to get ill so frequently. Oh well. Sleep more, eat better etc I guess. 

What else has happened? I had my gig, which was good. Well, my set went okay, and the other people that played were good. Except for one. I don't know how many songs he must've played because they were generally quite short, but it was an extremely long half hour. After he'd been playing 15 minutes I was thinking he'd be finishing soon. But no. It was just awful. I was sitting there trying so hard not to laugh, particularly at one of the songs which had the brilliant line "you're my angel delight" which I was trying not to burst out laughing at every time he sang it. It didn't help that Fi was trying not to laugh as well, which made it even more difficult. He had basically the crappest guitar ever, it went out of tune after every song, and then instead of taking the time to tune it properly and perhaps cut a few songs off his set (which would've been most welcome), he decided to just continue playing it whilst it was out of tune. It sounded bad enough in tune. Ugh. 

I'm really hungry. I don't know what I'm going to do today now. Probably watch bad TV and eat. And drink. And sleep. I keep managing to get behind with my work, and what with being ill I just keep getting further behind. I was planning on finishing last weeks work yesterday and today, but I don't really feel like it. Mehhhhhhhhh. 

I'm going to get some lunch now. 

x

Goodnight and Go

"It's bad enough we get along so well..."

No pictures today. 

I didn't update after Wednesday, so here goes. The line up for Latitude is looking good so far - not that they released much of the music line up. But there will be Sigur Ros, Franz Ferdinand, Interpol, Death Cab and Elbow. So it's all good. 

Went to work on Thursday, which was surprisingly busy, I guess not being there for two days always helps the work load to stack up a bit. Then I went to the pub with Cheryl and had chips and onion rings and cider. Yum. It was the first time I'd had cider in ages, and was goood. Annoyingly, I think it must've been by Thursday, I seemed to have contracted a cough. Sod's law, always seems to happen just before I have a gig. So here I am 7 hours before it starts debating whether my voice will hold out well enough to sound vaguely good. *Drinks lots of OJ* 

I stayed up til 4am on Thursday night, which was probably a really stupid thing to do as I was ill, but oh well. I only got about 4 hours sleep, because I woke up at 8:30 to my sister texting me telling me to tell Mum what time she'd be getting to Cambridge. So whilst I could've got up and gone and told her, I thought I'd rather fall back to sleep as soon as possible, so I texted my Mum. Yes, lazy I know. As it turned out I couldn't get back to sleep after that anyway. So I read Orwell instead, which was good. 

Met Julian for lunch, went to the Lucky Star, which I have missed sooo much. They have the best food ever. It sucks though because for some reason I always manage to get full after my first plate of food, which sort of destroys the "all you can eat" type thing. Oh well. I had rum and raisin ice cream as well which was yummy. 

Julian got the Arts Picturehouse 'what's on' thing, and I was looking through it and noticed there is a LOTR all-nighter next Saturday. I so want to go, with any luck I will be. £15, plus breakfast if I survive the whole night, which I blates will as I love LOTR. Hurrah!

I regressed into childhood yesterday afternoon by watching High School Musical 2...oh yes. It was horrendously bad, but is just one of those things that you watch regardless. Greatest parts -  when one of the guys starts singing a song called "I don't dance" when he's already been dancing quite a lot in the first half of the film. Yes. Of course you don't. And of course, Zac Efron's very gay solo song in which he danced all by himself across a golf course looking like a twat. It was highly amusing. 

Today today. Is today. I think I finally may have sorted my set list, although I'm not really sure, trying to decide whether to play a song I have literally just finished minutes ago, or a cover of either Nada Surf, Rogue Wave or Eisley. Hm. I can't decide. Oh well, I have 6 hours. 

It's Easter tomorrow. Yayz. I better go and get some lunch now. 

Adieu

x

Come Undone

"I have seen myself in a thousand faces, strung out on life's path"

Today is weightless, compared with yesterday. Everything is sorted now, and the things that were plaguing my mind have mostly disappeared. It's the best feeling when you feel like the heaviest weight has just been lifted off your shoulders. 

That said, because I stayed up until about 2:30am, I didn't wake up until about 10, and I haven't really managed to do much today, except read, and watch The Black Book - which was really really good. Although slightly disturbing at points, like locking people in coffins and waiting until they die. Yeah. 

Well, despite the lack of work I've done today, I am going to attempt to do lots this evening. Providing I don't get distracted by the releasing of the Latitude line up, and various other things. I will try my best. I've kind of decided that I'm probably not going to go to the tutorials for this anymore. I know they're meant to be helpful and whatever, but they're not compulsory, and I don't feel like I've missed out on a lot from not going the last few weeks. I guess if it gets to a point where I do need the help, then I'll go. I've always got the Facebook group as well if I get stuck. 

My Rogue Wave tickets came today! As you can see from the picture. I was well happy. Now I just have to wait 2 months before I can actually see them. 

I think this is going to be a short post for now. I might update later when I know the Latitude line up and am suitably excited. Hurraaaahh!

x

Fade Into You

I just looked in the mirror and I look like I've been crying. How weird. 

Today. Was the first day of part-time-ness. So instead of being productive like I promised myself I would, I spent the morning watching ER, deleting music I never listen to off my laptop so I have more space on my hard drive, and doing a bit of OU work. 

I'm trying to write a song, which I have the guitar part, but I just can't find the words or the melody and it's really frustrating me - it's been about a week since I came up with it, and nothing is coming. Maybe I'm not allowing myself to think, or maybe I don't like what I'm thinking - I just seem to turn up the volume on my iPod instead of actually thinking things out. 

It's weird how you can unintentionally screw things up. Not that they're really screwed up. I don't know. 

The lecture this evening was really good, and interesting. But I found myself sitting there thinking "yeah, that's happened to me" which somehow felt a bit shit. 

I find myself being paranoid much more at the moment. It's very strange.

The guy in the lecture said that it can reoccur within two years if you treat it with drugs. That creeps me out. And that apparently it's curable if you teach yourself to think positively or do exercise. But when you're there and it's you, you can't do that. Apparently it also occurs when you're going down the wrong path, and your brain decides to pull out all the wires to make you stop and think. 

Anyway. 

Me and David sat and looked at Mr Men books in Heffers. It was fun. 

There are some things I just can't explain, and in between everything I wish I could find answers. But I'm not sure if I even have the questions that I'm looking for the answers for. If that makes sense. I wander around Cambridge, and go past places that used to mean something and it frightens me. 

It's not tiredness, it's distance. I was a million miles away, when I should've been right there. 

Why do I let it get to me still? I don't want him to be happy for me, the thought of it makes me feel ill. Why don't I get to be completely okay? Why do I get lost in this weird paranoia? 

It's been months and I still won't let go. 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

x

(picture is of a random bug that was on my desk today)

Leap of Faith

"when you believe there's someone out there"

Yesterday was not all that interesting, I sat around mostly, did a minimal amount of work, and then watched some of Brief Encounter simultaneously with Fi. It was great. I didn't like it when I studied it for Film Studies, but now I'm not, I appreciate its true greatness. I might watch the rest of it tonight. 

So today was the beginning of my part-time working weeks. It is great to know that I don't have to go to work for another 2 days, and after that, for a week! Hahahhahaa. 

It was a bit boring, I spent most of the morning trying to make our website work, which didn't happen, mostly because it was something that restarting computers and checking the internet connection couldn't help. It was basically just being horrendously slow. Ugh. So I listened to music and went on Facebook. 

Then came lunchtime, and Fi appeared just as James was telling me about how he assaulted a guy in M&S (well...assaulted...kneed in the leg...same difference). We went up to Sainsburys to get lunch. I had to get stuff for work like squash and milk and sugar as well. I also got a Crunchie. Well I didn't in the end. I got a basket, and went up to the till, put the basket down, and the woman didn't scan my damn Crunchie, so I ended up Crunchie-less. Unfortunately I didn't realise this until I got back to work, and I couldn't be bothered to walk all the way back just to get one. The silly woman also put all the stuff I bought in one bag, which made it so heavy that the bag broke before I'd even managed to walk out of the shop. Hmph. 

I seem to be doing a lot of shop-related complaining at the moment. Oh dear. 

Pictures today are: Fi gazing lovingly at her (minging) sausage and egg sandwich, and my delightful pasta salad, which in that picture actually looks more like sick than something that is REALLY NICE. We ate at work - which is what you can see in the background. Such a happy place it is...

This afternoon was fairly dull. Consisted mostly of me trying to find things to do whilst John was there, and then once he'd gone, sitting around and doing not much. It was horrible weather today. Rained and stuff. I went to get the bus, and there was this really scary drunk guy who sometimes gets on my bus and makes strange shouty noises. My mum had texted me asking me if I wanted to meet her at Waitrose, so then I had to get off at the same bus stop as scary drunk guy, who actually scared me: I was sitting at the front, looking out the window, and I turned around and he was suddenly THERE. I was like "eek!" 

Now I am home. Soon I will do some work. Tomorrow I'm going to do more work, and then I'm going to a lecture on "What is Happiness" with David. It's almost like being a student, except it will probably be more sciencey. Apparently though it will be in a language I understand as it is for 14+. Hurrah! 

In a final note, I hate Amazon. I made a £50 order of CDs today, and I looked on the tracker today and it said that the estimated delivery date was between 10 and 14 days. Not impressed. I'm sure all the CDs I ordered were in stock as well. Hm. 

x

I Will Possess Your Heart

So I've been listening to this 30 second clip of Death Cab's new song over and over. It's good. I'm happy and looking forwards to May. I've just realised it comes out 2 days after I see Rogue Wave. Potentially between 8th - 15th May is going to be like the best week of 2008.

 

"And I long for this mirrored perspective" 

So for most of today I was all by myself at work. It wasn't very interesting. Same old same old etc. Then I went to get my lunch. I apologise for the massive rant in advance. I went to Boots, like you do, Meal Dealing it up and all that. I go to buy my Meal Deal, and suddenly find that half the tills have disappeared and been replaced by - oh yes - self service tills. I can kind of appreciate the need for self service in large supermarkets, but in Boots?! It all seemed very strange. I was not best pleased when I was standing there waiting to be served by a human, when the man supervising the self service tills said to me "why don't you use the self service" so I was like "FINE!". I would honestly rather have had the experience of saying a few words to a human, being asked if I wanted a bag, and if I had an Advantage Card. But NO. Instead I had a computerised RP English voice (which sounds more like an American doing what they think is a 'British accent') telling me to move my food into the bagging area. My response would have been "fuck off" but obviously machines don't understand that. Anyway, I paid with a tenner, and it gave me my change...2 pound coins. I was like "hmm...I need another fiver" - and had to ask the same twatting attendant man who had made me use the damn thing in the first place, where the hell my fiver was. It turned out that notes come out of a completely different hole, somewhere around your knees - yeah, like I was going to see it there. 

So yeah, I'm feeling angry. Are all people in shops going to be replaced by machines? Really speaking I don't see how these tills save time, as you do get retards (like me) who have issues with scanning the stuff, actually bothering to read the instructions and just generally using the bloody things. It would've been much quicker for me just to be served by a person. 

I can imagine my job being taken by a robot in 10 years time (not that I'll still be doing this job by that time) but like, it would say, when people came to pick up photos: "please enter order number or surname". Really speaking, it would do the job much more efficiently than I can. Hah. 

My other complaint for today relates to the second photo, which is of the new horrendously ugly entrance to the stupidly named Grand Arcade. I swear whoever they pay to design the new buildings in Cambridge really needs to get a different job because they are CRAP. Ugh. 

Anyway, back to less grumpy things. David came and spent half the afternoon talking to me, which was good, so I didn't sit around doing nothing. I had an annoying Etonian/Cambridgian Tory phone up at 10 to 5 asking when we closed, and then turned up at 3 minutes to 5 to get his photo. Which reminds me, I need to find out what the hell Double Matrise is. 

Wandered a bit, and stood at the bus stop for a while talking to David, eventually caught the bus when he said he was going to eat me or mince me. Scary. Yeah, so then I ended up on a bus which was full of small children who had been hanging out at the Science Festival. Geeks. There were SO many of them everywhere in town, you would've thought it was Disney day, not Science day. I was most upset to find that when I left work they'd taken down the signs on the building opposite work saying "Bjorn the Polar Bear" - I wanted to steal one.

Anyway, I have to go and eat now. 

x

Drop it Doe Eyes

It's been a day or two since the last post. I have been trying to finish my assessment and feeling massively tired, so I didn't have time to update. 

But now - I've finished my assessment, and I've discussed with John about cutting down my hours, so for the next 2 months or so, I'm only working 3 days a week. This is brilliant. Really the title of today's post should be 'Weightless' because that is how I feel. Knowing that I'm going to have 4 days a week all to myself is like the best thing ever. I've spent the last couple of months feeling like I've had no time to spare, and now it's like whhheeeeeeeee. Yeah. Like being weightless. 

The picture is yesterday's sunrise. I woke up around 6am, and the sun was shining through my window, so I pulled back my blind to see if the sunrise was good enough to take a picture of, and managed to blind myself... twice. So I decided it would be better to judge by taking a photo instead of looking directly at the sun. It seemed to work, it's a nice sunrise. 

What else? Students are starting to go home, so I'm going to be bombarded with parents and students spending half an hour staring at photos going "ooh I like this one" "no, I think you look better in this one"  = annoying. Not that I have a problem with them spending lots of money. But I will have to deal with all of them by myself. Yay...

I bought South's third album yesterday - 'Adventures in the Underground Journey to the Stars' - I never thought I'd actually bother to get it, and then suddenly, it was right in front of me, and I was like MUST GET. So I did. It's very good. I also got Sonic Youth's 'Daydream Nation' which is equally good. There's something Smashing Pumpkins-ey about it somehow, I can't quite put my finger on it. Unlike Silversun Pickups which I was listening to the other day and is like so Pumpkins it's... weirdly great. 

5 days now until Latitude tickets go on sale and the line-up is released. I may have lied when I said I wasn't going to get my hopes up about Nada Surf playing. I so want them to now. I've also decided that one festival I must try to get to at least once in my life is SXSW. It's a bit of a journey seeing as it's in Texas, but if I ever get the money... or happen to be in America at this time of year... well, you never know.

You! Me! Dancing! 

Listening to that. Ughhh I'm so tireeeed. At least I get to sleep a bit extra tomorrow as I don't have to catch the bus as early on a Saturday. I worked out that working 3 days a week, if I walked from and back to Trumpington then my total weekly bus fare would be £5.70. That's basically a third of what I'm paying at the moment. And when the weather's nice enough I'll cycle. So despite the fact I will be earning less money, I will also be saving money on transport and buying lunch instead of bringing food from home. So successes all round really. 

Anyway, I might do something productive now. Like reading. My God, I'm going to have the time to finish reading all the Sherlock Holmes stories! YES! :D

Byee

x

Kicking the Heart Out

"If music is my lover, you are just a tease"

I bought a Rogue Wave t-shirt, it looks like that > 

So, I am half way to getting my hours cut down, I just have to ask John now, and apparently he's quite reasonable, so it's looking promising. 

This morning I watched daffodils dance to Los Campesinos! ... well, I was listening to LC! and they were dancing because it is windy. Very windy. We had to lock the door at work and get people to knock when they wanted to come in, because the door kept blowing open, which is really annoying. 

Aaaw my t-shirt smells all new :) now I can wear it to their gig in May, when someone says they'll actually come with me... 

I'm not going to my tutorial again tonight... but I'm going to start finishing my assessment in a minute, so that's okay, cos then it's not like I'm not doing anything productive. Back to listening to Mozart... ugh. I hate opera, it is the most annoying kind of music, except for the stuff chavs play on their phones on buses.

What else? My parents are back tomorrow! Hurrah! I can stop having to do washing up and being responsible!

Not much else to report, I guess I better start doing some music/philosophy/literature. On to the Colosseum next week, which will be much more interesting :)

x

Heroes & Thieves

Evening. 

I suddenly remembered I need to update. 

I would rather be doing this than writing about Carol Ann Duffy or Mozart anyway. 

Pictures today are: me looking happy, and Kizzi running at me (violently) with a pencil. 

I'm really tired. I managed not to wake up around 6 today, instead I woke up around 7... and that was probably only because I didn't go to sleep until after midnight. 

Suddenly I feel like I have so much to think about. It's weird. Trying to write music, thinking about the future, whether it's worth trying for anything, because I have no idea what I'll be doing in 6 months. 

I really want to drink some tea. But I shouldn't, cos then I will re-wake from my tiredness. I might just go to bed once I've finished doing this. I think I'll leave Duffy and Mozart for panic writing tomorrow. I'm really going to fail this. I can't decide whether to go to my tutorial this week - I said last week I would, because I haven't been to the last 2 weeks which is BAD - but I'm worrying about the fact that I haven't finished this assessment, and really I need to post it on Thursday, which basically gives me an hour and a half to finish it, plus any time I can possibly scrape together at work tomorrow and Thursday. 

See, this is why I need to work less, so I can actually go to tutorials without a) feeling like I'm way behind or b) panicking about failing. 

Gaaaaaaahhhhh. Onwards and upwards. I am going to see Rogue Wave in May!! Woop woop! Truly excited, my two current favourite bands within 4 days of each other - it will be brilliant. And Latitude tickets go on sale soon - which will be equally good... well, providing the line-up doesn't suck. Damn them withholding it. Have to wait 8 days. Meh. 

Anything else? Not really. I feel like I need to make decisions that don't need to be made because it hasn't come up yet, but I feel like I need to be prepared in case it does. How confusing. 

Fuck it, I've just remembered I have to buy a damn megarider tomorrow. Trip to the bank and miss the bus in the morning. Hurrah.

"And it's breaking" 

x

(Title is Vanessa Carlton)

Always Love

I'm happy. 

It's too bright. 

The Night Starts Here

I have learnt a lesson today. I can't let things that shouldn't be important to me anymore rule my life, things that wouldn't show me as much regard. I shouldn't stop myself doing things because of one person. I have to move on sometime. And I guess that time is now. Despite earlier comments about rather hanging out with the BNP. I'm sure there's some quote to go with that lesson... but the only one I can think of is obesity being a sign that something is eating us... which isn't really relevant here. 

There's no reason why I can't play whatever songs in front of whoever. I don't care what they think, and it's not like I have to speak to them, so it's fine. If it happened, it could happen, and it would be fine. Right? I do always have to overcomplicate and overthink EVERYTHING. 

It's time for me to grow up. Growing up doesn't have to mean forgiving. Hah. 

Anyway, annoyingly yesterday I forgot my camera, so I have no photos from my gig. Oh well. That's why I didn't do another post after the gig. Also because I was very very tired. It was such a great afternoon, despite the fact I was playing to about 12 people... I guess in some ways that made it nicer, more relaxed. Not that it wouldn't have been good if more people had been there. I took a brief trip to evil Tesco, which was classic, as none of us had any idea which way to go, so we were just back-seat driving and really annoying Smem. 

Me: Turn right!!

David: No, turn left!!

Me: No turn right!

David: No turn left!

Me: AAAHHHHH turn left!

David: That's what I was saying!!

Amusing. So I got food so I can now eat for the next few days until my parents get back from France. When we got back to the Boathouse we watched more people play, then Kizzi brought cake for me because I played a song I had no intention of playing. She promised me cake if I played it. Then we sat outside and ate cake, David, Jon, Chrif and Kizzi left, so me and Smem just sat in the Boathouse downstairs drinking. Mmmm. 

I've also gained 3 new fans which is great :D I am well pleased. The CD idea is becoming more realistic in my head, especially when people are nice to me. I was telling Smem and Chrif that I'm going to name it Constellation. Chrif wanted me to name it Genital Warts. Yeah, or not. 

Not much happened today, I did a fair amount of work, felt like sleeping all day, and watched Peep Show, the classic episode when Jez eats the dog, and felt scared by the amount of wind and rain. 

Currently debating whether to watch Skins or tape it and go to sleep. I cannot decide. 

Picture today is my finger with my phone. I woke up around 6am, and checked my phone to see what time it was, and I thought my finger looked really cool in the dark with just the phone lighting it. I know I'm a loser. So yeah, took a picture of that.

The breaks in Skins are always really long. But if I tape it then I'll watch it in the morning and waste time instead of doing VIP work. Hm. I guess I'll just watch it and risk being tired because I'll wake up around 6 again. Oh well. 

Title is by Stars. 

[edit] I watched Skins. 

And I'm smiling. It feels rare.

x

Icebox

Here are the pictures from yesterday. I woke up at 6:45 this morning, which is totally ridiculous as I'm really tired, but I couldn't get back to sleep. Ugh. 

In other news, I have learnt that an aspidistra is a plant. Wow. 

More later....

[edit] Everything is always screwed up. I keep getting ill. This must be a sign. I'm practically falling asleep but I don't want to sleep. I'm tired of being alone. 

Sleepless Lake

Maybe I could be really sad and instead of having a proper title for each entry, I could have a name of a song I like. Not that I'm that big a fan of Sleepless Lake (by Grant Lee Phillips in case you're wondering)... but the title just suddenly occurred to me whilst I was thinking about what to name this entry. That was a bit long winded. I'm listening to it now, it's actually better than I appreciated a minute ago. 

So yesterday I said I was going to write an essay for today, but I can't really think of that much to say. I have a really annoying hole in my tights, right on my big toe - it's perhaps the most annoying place you can have a hole in tights. I might take them off in a minute and switch to socks. 

Today I went to work. Still feeling quite ill, but I've been eating cough sweets and ibuprofen to help me feel better - that said, I was within inches of falling asleep, and I probably would've if I'd had somewhere proper to sleep. But I didn't. Work was dull, it was another one of those days where it probably would've been better if I just hadn't gone in at all. 

I bought the Juno soundtrack at the beginning of the week, and I've been listening to this Sonic Youth song, "Superstar" which is really good, and I like them. Lastfm says they are not my normal type of music - the only similar artist I can find that I've listened to a reasonable amount is R.E.M, Interpol are down the bottom as well actually. But I guess that doesn't mean I can't like them.  I'm having a bit of a Feeder revival at the moment, they released a new song last week from their (hopefully coming out soon) new album, which is a bit Echo Park, but very good all the same. So I'm trying to listen to them more again, because somehow...well actually I know how... I've managed to play Nada Surf almost as many times in the last 5 months as I have Feeder in the last year and 5 months... yeah. So I'm trying to keep Feeder at no.1 in my charts, which is going to be tough. I guess I could accept that my music taste is developing and changing seeing as Feeder have been my favourite band since I was 14, but I'm not really ready to accept that, however much I love Nada Surf. 

I used Nada Surf's name in a song I wrote the other week. Well, kind of. I was reading the sleeve of The Proximity Effect and saw written somewhere on it... hold on I'll find it... "thanks to.... basically everyone who's made our name more and more inappropriate, since it means surfing on nothing..." So I used the words "surfing on nothing". I quite like it, it probably is one of my more favourite songs that I've written. 

I almost want to apologise for the pictures today. Whilst they were meant to illustrate spring, and how great it is, instead I ended up with a couple of blurry images taken in my garden without any flash. Hmm. So to make up for it I'm now going to take some more pictures of some completely pointless things. 

What else is there to say? My gig is tomorrow. Oooooh. 6 months it's been. God I'm so tired. I'm not sure whether to tape CSI and just go to sleep, or whether I'll be able to stay awake until 10:30. I might have some tea. Yum. 

I have to keep writing because I need to wait for these other images to upload, so rather than doing something productive like my TMA, I'm going to continue writing pointless stuffs. But I can't think of anything. Oh yeah, I'm happyish, despite illness and various other things - it seems like there'll actually be quite a lot of people there to see me tomorrow, which I'm glad about - I will be properly represented and won't feel bad that other people have brought zillions of people and I've brought no one. Because I won't have. No doubt there'll be other people just randomly standing around and stuff as well. 

Why have I stopped thinking? I went through this really sort of 'profound' phase, where I was always thinking about things, and now I've stopped doing that. So it's kind of boring. I want to write something interesting. 

Oh, I've just remembered something that I really wanted to write. I was going to do a review of Jimmy Eat World, but because I felt so crap I have very little recollection of the gig and can't really comment on how good they were. But what I really wanted to write was that I never thought I'd see someone sweat more than Matthew Caws... until I saw Jimmy Eat World. Their lead singer... Jim Adkins I think is his name, was like the sweatiest person ever. It's a really random thing to say, but so so true. 

I only have 9% power left on my laptop. I have to re-upload the photos again, because apparently it encountered some kind of error. Gaaah. I might just stop writing for a bit and actually think of something to say rather than commenting on levels of sweat. 

7%

6%

Okay, so I'm just going to forget these photos. I'll post them tomorrow before I go out. That probably means there'll be 2 POSTS tomorrow. How exciting. La dee daa. 

x

On a plane ride...

...the more it shakes, the more I have to let go. 

Lyric of the day pour moi. Ahh, earlier I could've written about 10,000 words for this. Mostly because I was bored at work and over-thinking. Now I have less time, as I'm trying to start my TMA tonight, but need to eat and want to watch NCIS in 50mins. Never enough time. 

Talking of never enough time, I'm going to try and cut back my hours at work. I need space to breathe. At the moment I basically have 3 things going - work, degree and music. Really, it's too much. Especially when I want to be spending more and more time on my music. I was thinking earlier that I'd love to have a week off work, and just sit in my room and write and try to create a new sound, something different, something which shows how much Nada Surf and Rogue Wave are influencing me. Obviously at the moment I don't have time, but it would be great if I did. That said, I have absolutely no idea how you create a new sound. I guess you always sound one way or the other, sounds just get bigger and better (or worse) unless you re-invent yourself every album and your name is Avril Lavigne and you have other people to write songs for you and produce your music. Hm. 

I don't have many minutes...so I'll make this quick. I'm getting ill - woke up this morning with a sore throat which is TYPICAL. I almost lost my voice before my last gig, so maybe it's like gig-stress related or something. Which is stupid because I'm not properly nervous... just a bit apprehensive about playing some new songs which are about what's happened in the last 6 months. And like, blatantly are as well. I've said to people in the past that I don't mind singing my songs in front of people because for the most part by the time I sing them to an audience, I've detached myself from the feelings that were connected to the song. Unfortunately this detachment isn't quite complete for some of the songs, and I feel like people will be able to tell this, and know what it's about. Oh well. Only the people that know me I guess. *Stops being obsessive*

I want to two-step to Inside of Love right now. I was reading interviews with Nada Surf today, it was a good use of my time, it made me smile :)  Matthew Caws is so cool.

I just feel like singing. 

No pictures today, sorry. I have to go now. More tomorrow. Maybe I will write a proper essay tomorrow when I (hopefully) have a bit more time to hand.

x

Constellation

I haven't written for so long that now it's March. Really I should be doing washing up right now, but...I'm not. My internet is being really slow at the moment, so I might leave uploading pictures for later when it's better. 

So, what have I done since the 28th? I don't know what day of the week that was. Thursday? Oh, it's been a week. Okay. I don't remember Friday specifically. Saturday I sat at work being bored most of the day, and didn't eat until after 3pm. My sister came home at the weekend as well. I was ill on Saturday night, and felt crap on Sunday. I watched CSI on Sunday, and the Good Shepherd, which was such a waste of my life. The film was 2hrs 40. That is 2hrs 40 of my life I will never get back. Never watch it. At best its plot made no sense whatsoever, at worst, it was just plain shite. 

I've been trying to catch up with all the OU work I've been putting off as well. I've just looked at the TMA (essay) I have to do for this section. I am not happy. And I have less than a week to do it, plus some studying of philosophy to do. Hm. I don't know how I'm going to manage it all, working 4 days out of the 6 I have, plus a gig, tutorial and having to clear up the house and cooking food as my parents are away. I have no time. This is why I haven't written in a week. 

Back to what else I've been doing. On Monday I went to London, hung out with Chrif for a couple of hours, bought CDs, went to the Apple Store which was great cos we played on a MacBook Air. Ahhhhhh. And I changed all the iPods so they were playing Rilo Kiley. Ha ha ha. Then I met my sister, and I was feeling ill again because I hadn't been eating properly since Saturday. We went to the LSE cafe, and got pasta. I asked for a small portion, and my sister got a large portion, yet I ended up with a LOT more pasta than she did, and cos I was feeling ill, I didn't eat most of it. 

We took the bus to Camden, to see Jimmy Eat World. The support was...hmmm... not awful, but not good. By choice I wouldn't have signed up for a bald Belgian man dancing about on stage with bass so heavy that my clothes were shaking. Yeah. Miraculously though, his set went really quickly. Then all the annoying people who couldn't be bothered to stand in the crowd for Styrofoam but wanted to be at the front for Jimmy started pushing past us being, well... annoying. They were really good though. Despite that as I don't have half their CDs I didn't recognise half the songs. But they were good. That said, they stopped being good when they went off and then came back for their encore... normally 2 songs, and played at least 6... if I hadn't felt like I was about to pass out and had a panic attack when I got out of the gig, I would've appreciated it, but as it was, I didn't. 

So then came Tuesday, which involved me sitting around all morning watching Skins and ER, then realising I didn't have much time, so rushing to get ready to get to the hairdressers. Now I have half as much hair as I did. It's great. And the people were really nice, I always feel awkward when having my hair cut because people who have cut my hair in the past have always seemed like the kind of people that don't want to talk about interesting things. Like music! Which is what I spent this haircut talking about. It was great, so I will go back there as much as I need my hair cutting - hurrah! 

Yesterday...I was tired. Very tired. I had to sit in Starbucks for an hour and a half after work waiting for my tutorial. Then when it came to it I just felt so exhausted that instead of going to the tutorial I went straight home. Later in the evening I started messing around on Garageband and made some new recordings of new songs which was fun. They are on lastfm, which I think I've linked to. Then I downloaded Vanessa Carlton's latest album, which is gooood and I like, it's nearing my favourite of hers I think. Crap I need to do other things it's already 7pm. 

Today today, I went to work, and was quite busy. I spent some of the day designing album artwork for what (if I ever do anything) is potentially going to be the cover of an EP I intend to make. When I've finished it I will take a picture and post it. I'm hoping my blue pen doesn't run out. Yes, I am colouring it in with felt tip, but I don't have computer skills good enough to do what I have in my head on Photoshop or something. And doing it by hand is fun. It's almost like I'm artistic. 

Right. The pictures are: My feet, sunset on Saturday, Styrofoam, and my new hair. 

Lastly, I was thinking on the bus about what I would do if I ran the country. So far I have come up with: banning programmes with/any news about Paris Hilton, unless it's news of her death, and closing down all McDonalds. I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. Not that I'd ever run the country, because to do that, a) I'd have to be a politician which might convert me into someone like Tony Blair and b) the Socialist Party would have to get elected. Good luck with that. Oh, and making the NHS and public transport free would be other ones.