Let it Happen

"talk talking a lot, but it's still talk...

collision is such an ugly sound"

too quiet. too young. too messy.

yes.

Soldier

"but then you opened up a door"

listening to Mr November.

People keep saying I'm stuck. I'm complaining. I'm a part timer. That I should change my life.

And I feel like grabbing it with both hands, and doing something drastic, like quitting my job and moving hundreds of miles away. This wouldn't be the first time I've felt like this. But it seems more important this time around. Like, this is the only shot I get, this is the rehearsal and the play, and I've wasted my time away since I left college.

I feel like a small rag doll, my arms have already been torn off, and now people are pulling at my legs trying to get me to go in different directions, and soon I'll be limbless and useless. And I don't know what to do. Whether to go left or right. I just don't want this to be what my life is anymore.

Details

First song of the year: Frou Frou - Let Go

Only just really recovered from my rather stupid drinking last night. Vodka after wine is not a good idea. Especially when you'd had enough to drink before the vodka. Life lessons there.

So after wasting away today feeling horrendously ill, the resolutions start tomorrow.

2010 is going to be a much better year. 2009 was never going to be better than 2008, and it proved itself so, as a series of mistakes and fuck ups and me being a total mess.

I don't really have a grand plan for this year. All I really want is to spend a lot less time going out of my mind with anxiety. Woo.

There's probably a lot more to say, but I don't want to keep going over it all, just in case I set the bar too high.

bai.x.