January & December

Top 10 albums of 2008

10. Johnny Foreigner - Waited Up Til It Was Light

9. Rogue Wave - Asleep at Heaven's Gate

8. Chris Walla - Field Manual

7. Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line

6. Los Campesinos! - Hold On Now Youngster

5. Nada Surf - Lucky

4. The Helio Sequence - Keep Your Eyes Ahead

3. Elbow - The Seldom Seen Kid

2. Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight

1. Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs

When it came down to it, it wasn't too much of a decision. Except the bottom half of the top 10 I'm not really sure if I've put in the right order - but they're all awesome albums, so there you go. 

2008 has been a fucking good year. I have no plans or expectations for 2009 as of yet, so I'm hoping it'll turn out okay. I'll be 20. And I will learn to drive. Honestly. 

Happy New Year. 

bai.x.

Are You Lightning?

Happy Belated Christmas. 

Listening to Nada Surf trying not to feel messy. Been reading The Color Purple. It's good. Apparently my education is only just beginning though. I've got the music to come yet... and probably the films after that. 

Mr Messy...

I like feeling willing to listen to/watch/read new things. It makes a change. But it might mean that I'm trusting more than I should. Not that I shouldn't. Oh. It's confusing. 

Anyway. Christmas was a bit of a fail. Went for a walk today. It was freezing cold. Like 3 degrees. No snow still though. 

I'm trying to think of stuff to write. And I just haven't got anything. 

Still need to do my last NY post. Top 10 coming soon. 

bai.x.

We Said Goodbye

How did everything get so messy?

Skinny Love

It's been a week. A busy sleepless week. 

I panicked about getting my assessment done - it seems so long ago now, but I'm bound to have failed so there you go. Such is life. I should've realised this course was going to be a bit of a fuck up. 

I went to see Frightened Rabbit on Tuesday, and also went up in the London Eye which was pretty awesome cos it was dark and there were lots of shiny lights. There were also stupid women in the thing with us who were trying to take pictures of outside using flash. Um, no, you'll just end up with pictures of the glass. Somehow this made Chris really angry and he wanted to shout at them. We went to Pizza Express, and then wandered around Brixton feeling slightly unsure about where we were going until Chris saw the Co-op funeral directors he'd seen before when going to the Windmill. 

The first support band were pretty good - Stagecoach - although the singer had a really strong American singing accent, but they were from Brighton or something. Second band weren't that good, think they were called Babel, and the guy was like "anyone from South London here?" and it's like well... what do you think? we're IN South London. 

Frightened Rabbit were pretty damn awesome. I just wish I could've actually seen them. Luckily they're playing at Scala in April so I'll go and actually *see* them. It went really quickly somehow - played lots of Midnight Organ Fight stuff, all of which was ace. 

Thursday was the JET party. Wine drinking etc. Fun, but with other things on my mind. May have ended up slightly drunk. 

Work has been busy, not horribly busy, but sort of stressful in that everyone gets pissed off and moans a lot kind of way. Went for a drink with Cat, managed to get tomato ketchup all over my arm cos I shook the bottle presuming that the lid was on properly. It wasn't. Then we wandered around Cambridge. Cambridge is much nicer when it's dark and empty. I don't hate it so much that way. 

I've made the shortlist for the best of 2008 - now I just need to shorten it a bit. Or I might not and leave all 25 on, but attempt to put them in some kind of ranking order. So difficult. 

I'm really sleepy & tempted to have an afternoon nap. Zzzzzzz

bai.x. 

Burn Your Life Down

I've realised (or have been realising recently) that I've started to lose that perfect clarity I used to have when I write. Like even if I couldn't say something out loud, I could almost always without fail translate it into writing perfectly. And now it's going. First my lyrical ability, now this. 

I can't write how I feel. I can't even write a fucking essay. 

So no music, no writing... what the hell am I going to do with my life? 

Somehow leaving JET has made me even more indecisive about my life. At least when I was there I had something to aspire to and aim for, and now I'm just stuck. So even if I said to him that I wouldn't be working there for the next 5 years - "see you in 5 years... ha ha ha" - that's probably going to be the length of time I'll be in limbo for, whilst I'm doing my degree and making a horrible balance of working and studying and being fucking reclusive. 

Oh what a fuck up. 

"i shouldn't go but i can't really help it, when i feel this pressure"

Pinned Together, Falling Apart

Ugh, I feel awful. 

The posts on New York are coming. I promise. 

I've been really lazy, had to get an extension for my assessment, and I still haven't done it which I'm now regretting cos I only have today and tomorrow and I feel horribly ill. 

I'm thinking about thinking about what to do with my life. 

So cold and ill. :(((

bai.x.

Bacchus and Bridges

I'm getting that weird temptation to fuck off out of this country again. 

I'm freezing cold. 

"i know it doesn't change the way things are today

but i can but fucking try to change your mind"

Take Me Anywhere

i hate choices.

and i'm really hungover.

i know.i know.i know.

i always make the wrong decisions.

why would this be any different?

maybe next i'll become vegetarian and conservative and completely blow everyone's expectations.

define "stupid"

With Holes For Thumb Sized Birds

I didn't think I could love Maritime more. But I do. Oh yes I do. *dances*

This Thing About You

Hai.

I'm contemplating the compilation of my best of 2008 list. Maybe that will be my Thursday job, along with finishing my America posts. I'm meant to be doing my assessment right now but I'm tired and ill so I've decided to leave most of it til I'm tired and hungover on Wednesday morning. That's the way I roll. 

I was awarded 'Temp O' Day" on Sunday - which is something Grant made up, and Stu made a trophy for me out of a Coke can, water bottle and paper (I'll take a photo tomorrow morning) - it's pretty impressive. Even though it's nice and very unusual (after working at JET) to be appreciated, I'm still staying sufficiently pessimistic about any future. What the fuck am I going to do after 3rd January? I don't know where I'd even want to work now, Fopp was like my one dream shop job place, and when I leave there, I'm stuck. Ugh. 

I keep staring. Somehow it doesn't make things any easier, and my moods are so weird. I can't explain it at all.

I'm feeling really social at the moment, so I can't wait for everyone to get home so I can waste a significant amount of my wages on cider. And gin. 

"if you drink enough water will I fade?

when I'm out of your system forget the 

things that I said"

I hope I don't do anything stupid when I'm drunk. 

bai.x.

Miserabilia

This pretty much sums up my weekend.

I need to rearrange my CDs again. 

Ho hum. I'm not going to have much time this week but I'll try and get the next America post up somehow. 

"when your eyes are off me, I'm alone"

It's difficult. I hate deadlines. And it's all the more frustrating when you're making new friends with the constant reminder that in a month they'll be gone. It's twice as frustrating because though I sound like a massive loser, these are the first people I've really made friends with in like... 2 years, and they're all so ace. It's like detachment vs misery, and I don't really know which - if either - I should choose. 

ughh.